Last year I wrote about the Americans beating the French at cheese, and I mean in a proper actual cheese competition, as opposed to another Tromp-claim to be fact checked. At the Mondial du Fromage in Tours, an American team won the international cheesemonger competition. I imagined the news going down about as well in France as Scotland losing at Haggis making.
Now my friend Rashik Parmar has sent me a World Population Review newsletter titled The World's Biggest Cheese Lovers, Ranked, and it poses a different question: who eats the most?
According to one set of figures, it's Denmark, where people eat around 28 kilos of cheese each per year, just ahead of the French. That's about 75 grams a day, every day, or two or three decent portions before anyone has mentioned crackers. Another ranking names the United States, though it groups the EU into a single figure rather than counting Denmark and France separately. I'm not sure you can declare victory over countries that aren't individually on the list.
Scotland doesn't get its own line either, being quietly folded into the UK figure. We Scots usually are, right up until Andy Murray, or any other competing Scot, loses. Then he's definitely Scottish. Not that a Scottish fridge would trouble the Danes. The average one holds a standard cheddar (Scottish of course) a rubberised smoked cheddar on Sunday, occasionally a cheap Edam at Easter and, of course, Dairylea (every day). Ok I concede - there may be something more exotic making an appearance at Christmas. With cranberries.
Still, this has all given us two quite different cheese contests. The Americans won one with skill, presentation and storytelling. The Danes appear to be tackling the other with admirable commitment over breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I'd like to put the question to the brilliant rock guitarist Rachael Wood. When we spoke on The Third Half, she told me one of her passions was trying cheeses from around the world. She's also got definite views - sharp British cheddar is welcome, mascarpone is not. I suspect she'd judge a country by what's on its cheeseboard before asking how many kilos it gets through.
Julie Cheyney of St Jude's Cheese gave me another reason to look past the rankings. When I asked her which cheese deserves more credit, she picked goats' cheese, which she reckons suffers because too many people tried a strong one once and never went back. Her advice is to taste your way down the counter at a good cheesemonger and expect something fresh and creamy. Having started my cheese education on Dairylea, I'm in no position to argue.
So congratulations to the Americans for winning in Tours, and possibly to Denmark for eating the most. Thanks to Rashik for ensuring I've spent another morning thinking about cheese. And as I’m in Paris, that could be expensive - and fatal.
And Rachael, if you're keeping track of the world tour, how far have you got?
Happy Sunday.